all the tablets and capsules and tests. it's really horrible. i think about my brother [from whom this virus most probably originated] and i feel much worse. i can't even tell how bad it's going to be, if i'm out of school for a week. [imagine, not seeing my school! and classmates! and it's my last year! i'm sure going to miss st theresa's college...] plus, i have to undergo all this sh*tty stuff..... i'm running out of tissue due my never ending mucus secretion. i'm all dizzy every time i have to go to the bathroom, and i have to go very often because i have to drink more water. [i'm a bit dehydrated anyway] and my throats all scratchy-itchy-tickly. and i can't sing!!! i know my singing causes disasters and all, but when i sing mi title, my throat's so dry!!! and i cough. my coughing causes some pain in my abdomen. all the muscles in that area hurt when they contract... i feel really, really horrible. nasty virus. and i can't really go near chiaki that much. he might catch whatever i have, or i might give him my cold... poor little thing....

sometimes, i just want to throw myself out the window. i can't really describe the painful, depressing feeling at the pit of my stomach. then, i remember an old uncle-friend of mine, who had bone cancer. i heard tales of him screaming whenever they had to inject stuff into his marrow. and they also told me that he would sob and fight back and tell the nurses to just let him die. i remember that, and i cry. i don't know, but what i expecience pales in comparison. yet, i think i feel for the pain he's feeling. and i also have a cousin who has some sort of cancer. they said that he wouldn't last. only a few weeks left. they bought him a new car, they don't mind spending thousands a day on medicine and herbs that would make him feel better. it's really funny, how people don't mind spending on others whom they're sure they'd lose. i bet that if he wasn't sick, they wouldn't get him the car. sometimes i wish i was sick so that other people would pay more attention to me. and i feel sorry for him. i feel sorry for them. i feel sorry for myself.